“Count Popula, a Magical Monster with Pencil’s for Arms.”

You said there'd be beer, and there was, but now there's not, so I'm gonna go.

The Teachings of Coach McGuirk

  • Life sucks. That’s your lesson. Go enjoy it.
  • There’s nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God.
  • You wanna know something? *Anyone* can become a soccer coach. Like, they don’t regulate. You can become coach, of a sport that you don’t care about, you don’t know how to play, you’re not good with kids. But I have had the job for three years. You’d think that they would check up but they don’t.
  • Cheating, is just another way of being prepared. Basically memorizing something is cheating. You knew the answer before the test was given.
  • Attention all insomniacs, all you have to do to fall asleep, is lie in your bed!
  • Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, throw up quicker.
  • All kids are stupid.
  • (about tornado safety) If you get sucked into the funnel and everyone’s separated it’s just like a fun ride. But if you’re all in a group, in a cluster, you start banging into each other, then your heads collide and you die.
  • Astronomy is BS too. All that star crap is ridiculous.
  • Sometimes, you gotta do certain things to re-enter society.
  • Anything’s that too hard to do in life isn’t worth doing. Like snowboarding, martial arts, pottery, or math.
  • If you’re not immediately good at something, Why do it?
  • Whenever you go to a public restroom, and you sit on a toilet seat, put the toilet seat cover down. And if they don’t have them there, manufacture one out of toilet paper, or your shirt, or your socks. Anything to cover the seat.
  • If you’re denying doing it, that means you’re doing it.
  • Well, fighting is bad to begin with, right? So if you’re going to fight, you’re already wrong. I mean, you’re already at the party, so why not fight dirty?
  • Sam Adams was a patriot. He was a brewer and a patriot. It says so on the label.
  • Kids don’t want to do anything. Kids are always like “I don’t wanna do that!” I consider my job to kinda twist them in the direction of doing stuff.
  • Women are an interesting bunch. I’ll make an analogy here, they’re like GRAPES… Well, That’s all I’ve got, really. You see, I said BUNCH, so I thought of GRAPES. If I had said women are an interesting GROUP… I would’ve thought of… damn it i thought of grapes again.
  • Good. I’m on my third beer. That’s when it all starts to get a little clearer.
  • All right, everybody, here are some of the warning signs that tell you something’s wrong. If he stops breathing, if he vomits blood, and if he ever says, “help”. Or if it looks like he’s saying “help” but he can’t say “help”. He’s like, mouthing it.
  • There is no such thing as psychology. It’s all just made up crap. They’re all con-men, all of them, even the women. Just remember that when they tell you how screwed up you are.
  • You wanna know what a real rash is? I’ll tell you! You get a rash somewhere on your body. It hurts so bad that YOU GO BLIND. You blow up like a balloon…end up looking like a circus freak. Next thing you know, you’re IN THE CIRCUS. Touring, making good money.
  • You shouldn’t be walking around the hospital dressed as death.
  • Try these leaves, they’re poisonous.

Brendon there’s nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God.

 


About fordianslip

I'm Me.
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